• Steve Mummery

How to propose to a girl...if you're a girl

Okay, so How to propose to a girl...if you're a girl

If you want your wedding to be the summer blockbuster—the show-stealing, glittering jewel of a moment that simultaneously represents both an important ending and a beautiful beginning, then it’s nice to think of a proposal as a sort of movie trailer. A really great proposal captures the tone of your relationship with your loved one and is filled with the promise of a beautiful wedding.

Traditionally, guys have been left to orchestrate the proposal, while women are typically given the role of organising the actual wedding. However, in this wacky world of the 21st century, where everything from pants to Snapchat flower crown filters have become gender-neutral, the hugely important task of proposing is no longer the sole domain of guys.

Are you a girl who wants to propose to a girl? Here's my guide on how to make it happen. 

Why on earth would I even want to propose?

First of all, if you’re a woman in a relationship with another woman, then, by default, there will be a woman doing the proposing. And why not let it be you. There’s no rule as to which one of you it should be is there. And think about it - there’s lots of excitement, planning and loving declarations involved in just about any proposal, so why not go ahead and do it. And, even if your fiancé has already proposed to you, there is no reason as to why you can’t reciprocate down the track when they are not expecting it, so that they also have a special moment to remember forever.

Now, what about the engagement ring?

Although much emphasis is put on where it happens and how the surprise is achieved, the uncontested star of the proposal is the ring. For women who want to propose, this might require some creative thinking. LGBTQI women who are proposing to other women sometimes have the possibility of following a more traditional track by purchasing an engagement ring to present during the proposal. If your sweetheart isn’t much for sparkly rings, think about that person and what would represent the promise of marriage to them. If you feel compelled to present something during the proposal, consider a nice watch, personalised photo album that documents your relationship, or I’ve even seen really nice leather wrist bands that you can have 2 tiny rings that wrap around the leather, but slide freely along the leather that have the couple’s names on each ring. You could even add more if there are kids involved to demonstrate the family or even put your dog’s name on there as well. So you’d get two of these made - one for each of you to wear and you’re always carrying the other person and indeed the whole family with you wherever you go).

Of course, there’s also the completely acceptable option of not offering up anything but your heartfelt words when you propose.

So here is where you, as a woman, have a definite advantage as the proposer—your partner likely won’t see it coming. Whether you’re in a gay or straight relationship, the class of women who propose marriage is still relatively small, so, unlike your male counterparts, you probably haven’t had to endure months of guessing when you’ll pop the question from your friends and family. You’re free to craft a proposal that’s unique to your relationship, as far outside of the well-meaning eyes of your community as you’d like.

Now it’s your turn to do what you will with this great advantage, whether that means an elaborate, surprise for your future spouse, or something smaller. Think about your partner’s personality: Are they more of an introvert, or extravert? Do they enjoy attention and crowds, or prefer more intimate environments? What are some of your favorite places to go as a couple? Did you meet at a special place, like your college campus, a specific beach or a cool restaurant in town? Are there kids involved that you know would like to be involved in the proposal? The answers to these will help you think about the where and how of your proposal.

Timing is everything.

The major crux of a proposal is, typically, that the person being proposed to is caught a little off-guard. It’s intended to be a sweet surprise, so once you’ve figured out how you’ll propose, you’ll want to plan the perfect moment. If you’re buying a ring for your lady, you’ll want to time that purchase as well. Do you need time to save money for it? Where will you stash the savings in the meantime? Do you need to set up a special bank account to hide the money? Will you need to coordinate with her friends or sister to find out her ring size? If you’re living together, you can probably nick one of her rings and use that - as long as she still wears it - make sure she hasn’t grown out of it. Whatever the answers, be sure you are in a position to have the ring before setting a proposal date, especially if it will involve inviting others or traveling away from home. If your proposal plan is more informal or improvisational, you’ll still want to spend some time thinking about the right time. Consider your partner’s work schedules and when she is most likely to be in a good mood. Also try to avoid general times of the week or month when schedules could change suddenly.

Plan as much as you’re comfortable planning, but don’t be tripped up if something does go a little bit wrong. As with a wedding, something not going exactly to plan will likely only add to the charm of the proposal (and all of the re-tellings!), so don’t let it distract you on the day if all doesn’t quite go right.

One piece of advice - don’t get down on one knee on a bridge with a spectacular outlook down a river - the number of times I’ve heard of a ring going through the cracks in a bridge I can’t remember. Don’t let it be yours - unless of course you feel like going for a dive afterwards. Then, of course, go for it. Take your chances.

A day to remember

Now that you’re fired up and ready to propose, don’t forget about photography. There’s nothing like the magical moment when your bride to be realises you’ve proposed, and you’ll want someone to be on hand to capture it. Professional wedding photographers are experienced at being covert and will be sure to catch lots of gorgeous moments. If you know you’d like to go this route, be sure to book them as soon as possible, especially if you’re proposing during wedding season, as their calendars will be full.

Even if a professional photographer isn’t in your budget, you have options. A close friend staked out in the trees with a nice camera will do the trick, or even some crafty smartphone photos after the fact. Just be sure you have some way to document the special moment! And get them to focus on video first rather than pictures. Once the surprise is over you can get nice and close up for some great pictures.

Here are 10 awesome ways to tell the world you're engaged on social media

Steve Mummery is a celebrant based in Perth. You can find him online at smcelebrant.com.au or facebook at smcelebrant, Instagram @smcelebrant or you can find lots of wedding inspiration on his Pinterest page @smcelebrant including wedding & engagement rings, dresses, shoes, groom's attire, flowers, arbours, the lot.

Call Steve to chat about your wedding ceremony today on 0418 897 215 or email steve@smcelebrant.com.au

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