STEVE MUMMERY

MARRIAGE & FUNERAL CELEBRANT

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©2019 by Steve Mummery Celebrant

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  • Steve Mummery

Opening lines for wedding speeches

Updated: Jan 7

Here are a bunch of lines to get the crowd on your side at the start of your speech. Remember the one rule; if it feels weird saying it, then don't say it, because it will sound weird as well. If it feels good, funny and "like you", then throw it in.



"Loyal. Kind. Honest. Generous... That's enough about me, I'm here to talk about (Name)!"


"I'd like to begin my speech by giving the happy couple some relationship advice, but unfortunately I'm single and spend most of my time on Tinder / trying to coax my cat into little outfits / browsing Doctor Who fan sites / playing Rock Paper Scissors with Alexa."


“Wow, what an emotional day it’s been. Even the cake is in tiers.”


“The couple have requested that I don't share any embarrassing stories... so that's it from me! Thanks for listening!"


"(Name), I love you so much, and I really hope you'll feel the same about me after you hear my speech."


"I just want to start by congratulating (previous speechgiver's Name) on their wonderful speech. I always knew it would be hard to follow and I was right, I couldn't follow a word of it."


"The couple actually had a bit of trouble finding someone to make a speech today. They started by asking their funniest friend, and they said no. Then they asked their most charming friend, and they said no. After that, they asked their best-looking friend and, again, they said no. Then they asked me, and, after already turning them down three times, I couldn't refuse again."


"Ladies and gentlemen, today we witnessed a unique event in history - it's the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!"


"(Name) and I share the same sense of humour so if you don't like my jokes, you can blame him/her!"


"Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to celebrate something truly magical. Something so rare and fortuitous and wonderful that it simply must be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the open bar/donut wall/photo booth."


"Where do I start with (Name)? They're kind, intelligent, gorgeous, charming... (directed at them) sorry, I'm having trouble reading your writing, you'll have to tell me the rest later."


"I think we can all agree that it's been a fantastic day. But unfortunately that ends right here with my speech."


"A few months ago, (Name) called me up and asked, 'What are your feelings on marriage?' I had to tell them that, while I was very flattered, I wasn't ready to settle down just yet."


"Can everyone hear me OK? If you can't hear me in the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you're not missing anything."


"Hello everyone! I'm (Name). I'm sure you all know me as (Name's best friend/sister/mum/dad), but if you don't, well done on sneaking into the wedding unnoticed!"


"Before I begin, I must explain that, this morning, (Name) asked me to remove anything resembling innuendo from my speech. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to go through it again, but if I come across anything risqué, I'll whip it out immediately."


"(Name) knows that I'm a bit nervous about this speech, and they gave me some great advice. They said 'Don't try to be too charming, witty or intellectual... just be yourself!'"


"All of us gathered together in this room, we've got something really important in common - none of us have got a clue what I'm going to say next!"


"I'd like to start by congratulating (Name) on their excellent taste in speech givers."


Now that you've got your first line, here's what you should be saying in your speech.







Steve Mummery is a celebrant based in Perth.

You can find him online at smcelebrant.com.au or Facebook at smcelebrant, Instagram @smcelebrant or find a whole bunch of inspiration on Pinterest @smcelebrant

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