• Steve Mummery

What to say after "I Do"

Updated: Sep 24, 2020

This is an area that a lot of couples struggle with. What do I say in my personal vows?  Basically, you should say whatever your heart is saying. But if you're a guy... we're not exactly known for knowing what our heart says unless it's to do with food. And maybe I could throw sex into that sentence as well!

So what do you say? Firstly, find yourself some quiet time, well before the wedding so that you are not rushed and panicky because you need them down.  Now, when I say "well before the wedding", I realise that in some guy's heads that will mean "the night before", because on the morning of, would be considered too late (by everyone on planet earth)! So let me be clear.  This is NOT what I mean.  "Well before the wedding" means a month or two.  So that if you don't get it done the first time, you still have time.  Yes, I know that most guys will then put it off until the night before the wedding.

As a celebrant, I start chasing the vows a long way out from the wedding, so that we get them done and put them to bed (along with the rest of the ceremony), so that it's all fresh to the couple on the day because nothing worse than the couple yawning while you're doing some of your best work in front of them, because they heard the ceremony a couple of days before.

Grab a beer or glass of wine and sit down in a quiet room (this does not mean while watching episode 2 of the 2nd season of Game Of Thrones) and listen to your heart.  LOL.  No, of course I don't mean that! That would be stupid.

Ask yourself some questions.  

Let's start with some fun ones to get you in the mood, like:

  • What is something they do that drives you wild?

  • What do they do that always makes you smile?

  • What’s something funny they do?

  • What’s something super cute they say?

  • What is something cute your partner does?

  • Now, let's go with some deeper thoughts, like:

  • What do you just love about them?

  • How long have you loved them?

  • Why do you love them?

  • What sort of adventures do you want to have with them?

  • Is there something special you want to promise?

  • Where do you see yourselves in fifty years?

Then, open another beer or fill up the glass and finish off with answering these:

  • What was a defining moment in your relationship?

  • What defines your relationship now?

  • What will define your relationship in the future?

Once you have all the answers written down, you've just about done your vows. Just move sentences around looking for a couple of serious statements and then a light-hearted one, then a few more serious ones followed by a light-hearted one.


If you're an emotional type of person, then here's a trick for you.  After a statement that you feel you're going to struggle with (and there should be at least one in every person's vows, otherwise you haven't tried hard enough), add in a light-hearted one.  It will help you get through the hard one, knowing that you have a light-hearted one to follow it up with.

Steve Mummery has been authorised by the Attorney General to officiate marriages according to Australian law.  For reviews of his ceremonies, check his website at smcelebrant.com.au or facebook.com/smcelebrant/reviews.

Subscribe to get more Insights

Thanks for subscribing!